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School So far ....

Well i do not understand the entire rush of Mt. Sac's awesome staff to rush the construction people to have a complete building done in a certain amount of time. So on the first day of class only half of the building is operational. So that was the first grr. Later I find out that one of my professors sounds like "the count" "one two three ahahahah" yes that count. So half of the things he says i just don't understand. Then later I find out that my brand new computer that I bought is the most worthless investment I could have ever made because windows vista is the worst operating system on the planet and it limits your powers. I do not understand how such a big company like Microsoft could have developed something so worthless.

But besides that it seems that no matter how busy my mind tends to be. My mind is going back to its older emo state of being. Slowly but surely I notice that scars that were made so long ago and I though were mended and healed , have just actually stopped bleeding. I don't understand how women are the one thing in the world that I love and to some women in my past I would have given my life to and yet they are the ones that have hurt me so much as well. I do not understand myself after so much time and I honestly think that I will never understand that which is my. I notice that sometimes I have to wear this mask of being happy, one that I have worn many times and actually for some time I though " hey I am really happy, this is really me." Who knows what life has in store for me the only thing I do know is that I need to stop listening to all of this emo music that is playing it is making me depressed.

Appreciating Life

No matter who you were in elementary school you always made fun of someone else in school. At a conscious on unconscious level. Now that I have grown older I realize the pain it causes younger people, especially if you are very different from other kids. My family was given a gift from God and his name is Kevin, he just so happens to be my little brother. We are lucky for him to be alive, and sometimes well people don't understand that just because he has Down Syndrome does not mean that he does not have feelings. It breaks my heart just looking at kids in his middle school just turn around and talk to one another while my little brother passes by. And he is so innocent he thinks that everyone is his friends and that everyone he meets needs a hug. What he does not realize is that he was born into a cruel world where people will tear you apart if you do not seem normal or you do not meet that status quo. I wish people would take a second to talk to him and realize how much us "normal" people can learn from Kevin or anyone with special needs. It frustrates me just because they learn slow means that they are of no use to us but on the contrary we can learn more from them than any textbook we can buy or any class we can take. And that is unconditional love, and they are willing to give it to anyone who is willing to stop and talk to them. And actually they are smarter than they seem check out Ponceman if you dont believe me. He is an actor with down syndrome, who is probably one of the funniest people you will ever meet.

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February 2009


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